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Winston Churchill was far from being as popular as palace historians make him out to be. The half-American dilettante’s image is repeatedly laundered by mainstream media.

The brainwashing worked well: in a list of 100 Great Britains, the notorious warmonger was voted No. 1.

This is not so much a triumph for Churchill as it is for Naked Propaganda. The most erudite historians will spin their findings a little. However, the most sycophantic admirer of Churchill cannot deny irrefutable facts. Winston Churchill, a known drug abuser, was far from being British in a genetic sense.

A legendary paedophile the dilettante frequented gangster organised gay orgies at which every conceivable ~ and inconceivable ~ debauchery, with adults and children, took place. Britain’s greatest Briton was a regular visitor to Marrakesh; ostensibly so that he may paint pictures in solitude. Yet, during the war in which Winston Spencer Churchill frequently visited the Moroccan city he painted only one painting.

No Nobel Prize for Productivity then, but it is thought likely he was distracted by easier access to pre-pubescent boys. The media-made greatest Briton was often guest at private gay orgies organised at the Cote d’Azur villa owned by the novelist Somerset Maugham. At such events anything other than nakedness was taboo; everything else was on the table ~ including naked youths.

It can be presumed that alcohol wasn’t the only lubricant the wartime leader had an interest in. One is tempted to ask if shares in Vaseline rocketed on Winston Churchill being parachuted into 10 Downing Street.

A notorious drunkard, Churchill once remarked that the only other political leader who could hold his own with him was Soviet ex-banker robber dictator Josef Stalin. The dwarfish Soviet despot once threatened to shoot anyone who could out drink him.

Many of the Britain’s blood-tainted plutocrat’s wisecracks are in fact recycled music hall quips. His own wit fell short of music hall standards. On hearing that the German armed forces in May 1945 had surrendered, he exclaimed: “Wait! We won: Really? How the held I pull that off?”

However, Churchill was self-effacing on his addiction to alcohol. By way of explanation he retorted: “I’ve found that being both too American for tea and too British for Cola I am left to rely upon alcohol and alcohol alone for refreshment. At least, that’s my excuse.” Alcohol was also his stated reason for winning the war: “Looking back now I was drunk on power. And alcohol.”

Churchill instinctively knew that he would forever stand tall in the public eye after his giving unstinting service to what is known as ‘the hidden hand’. In control of the media and publishing houses Churchill could be sure that clandestine forces would continue the laundering of his image long after he was to meet his afterlife Nemesis. There, he might find himself not so fortunate.

Ironically, in the years following the war skepticism about Churchill was far more widespread than it is today. On hearing of the autocrat’s death an insurance company promoting its Winston Churchill Savings Account issued a tongue-in-cheek offer to lure clients.

“Your Winston Churchill will run smoothly and effectively with the proper lubrication and when kept in the night conditions. Your Winston Churchill can be kept properly lubricated by feeding it alcohol. While it will eat most food it encounters, its real fuel is high quality alcohol, and a good amount of it. It prefers gin (usually in gin and tonics or Martinis), but it will also drink rum, vodka, whisky, and the blood of its slain enemies (served preferably in the bleached skull of said enemy) and champagne.”

“It should be kept away from Billy Whizz.* If quality alcohol is provided, your Winston Churchill can properly maintain its own level of lubrication, and there is no need for you to measure out alcohol for it. Simply refill any empty glasses or replace any empty bottles in its cage.”

“The proper conditions in which to keep your Winston Churchill is best described as ‘adversity’. However, most general adversity won’t yield optimum results. The best adversity for your Winston Churchill is wartime. However, if here is no war for your Winston Churchill to be in, you have two options:

Make a war to keep your Winston Churchill occupied. Send it to English boarding school, where it will have to face adversity to avoid being beaten and sodomised by his schoolmates.”

Ironically, the only time Churchill was elected was in 1951 after alcohol had taken its dreadful toll. Despite anti-Soviet rhetoric aimed at fueling America’s arms corporations, the pederast remarked that he wanted one last drinking party with Josef Stalin. When in 1953 Stalin was found dead on his bedroom floor Churchill was in despair. In the wartime leader’s room was a large framed photograph of the major leaders of World War Two. Churchill, under his whisky breath muttered, “He (Stalin) was the last of the few.” Churchill would then sit in his chair and stare morosely at the ceiling.

The 91-year old Winston Spencer Churchill finally threw off his mortal coil in 1965. It was said that his last wish was to be buried in alcohol like the great naval hero, Horatio Nelson. Refused on grounds of taste and expense it was said to be unnecessary as Churchill was already 99% alcohol and only 1% human.

* Billy Whizz was a children’s comic character. He was so named as he constantly got into mischief but always outran those he had cheated or hurt.

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