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by David Sims

I. Remember that although the planning of the hoax should be meticulous, with all details considered, none of your careful thinking should be visible to the police detectives. What they should see is an apparently simple criminal act.

I.a. If the act is a broken window, then don’t leave any accompanying graffiti.

I.b. If graffiti is used, make the message simple and keep the politics suppressed. “LEAVE!” is better than “GET OUT OF TOWN YOU STINKING KIKE!” or painting a swastika.

II. Provided it can be plausibly done, you shouldn’t be the one to report the “crime.” There is some advantage in letting an uninvolved person notice it and report it to the police; then you should show up and react to it. Plausibly.

II.a. First, display a degree of initial shock. Next, evince a reasonable measure of outrage. Finally, calm down and cooperate with the police as they ask you where you have recently been, who you were with, what you were doing, yadda, yadda….

II.b. As always, keep your answers simple, plausible, and consistent.

III. Be courteous with the police. Police are alert to people trying to bluff them, especially when you display extreme sensitivity towards being offended. So you be Mr. Nice. If they deliberately provoke you, take the high road. Protest politely and point out that they have no reason for being antagonistic. You pay your taxes, and the taxes pay them, etc.

IV. You should represent yourself as being merely a decent fellow who is understandably angry about being targeted by a criminal. Don’t promote your victim status or have a direct influence on anyone else who does so. If you get money as the result of your hoax, then let such “charity” be someone else’s idea and doing. One of the things cops look for, when they suspect a case of “Jewish lightning,” is a payoff. Don’t let them see one.

V. Don’t try to link the “hate crime” with any political activity you might be engaged in. If you’re, say, a traveling Jewish professor who preaches “hate-crime awareness,” then you probably should not be hoaxing up any hate crimes yourself. It smells.

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